I’ve had a lot going on in my life recently. My thoughts are scattered and my attention is pulled in countless directions. I’m not as mindful or in the moment as I’d like to be and have to deliberately bring myself back into the moment from endless “to do” items. Amidst the aforementioned thoughts that occupy my mind, I’m also curious about human nature; why I do what I don’t want to do and why I don’t do what I want to do. I’ve been thinking a lot about kindness lately. I’ve struggled at various times with both giving as well as receiving it. It doesn’t always come easily to me and can take effort and intention that I often don’t feel I have. Yet, it is a practice and value I want to continue taking steps towards.

There is a form of meditation called, “loving kindness”. A Buddhist practice, although can be viewed more as a prayer or form of affirmation if that resonates better. It starts off by repeating a group of sentences that are focused on oneself, then moves to a loved one, then an acquaintance, then someone with whom one has conflict, before ending with the general population. The sentences are often simple in nature, and not too wordy making it easy to remember. There are many guided meditations online (such as this one) that walk you through it. As with any guided meditation or mindfulness practice, simply notice without judgment if and when thoughts wander and gently bring them back.

The words to this mediation, by WiseMindBody with Josh Wise, are:

May I be happy.

May I be well.

May I be comfortable and at peace.

If the words don’t fit for you, tweak it to your liking, however try to follow the same structure of “May I be…”.

There are many things I like about doing this mediation. I find comfort in the simplicity and quickness of it. I’ve been “other focused” lately, I welcome the opportunity to say something kind to myself. I enjoy thinking of the acquaintances (the mailman, the barista at the coffee shop, the individual asking for change on the street, the waiter/waitress) and taking a moment to wish them well. As hard as it can be, I also appreciate the encouragement to think something kind towards those I have conflict with. There’s a gradual softening that takes place. By ending with the wider population, it makes me simultaneously feel big for being part of something larger than myself and smalI in that I am one of billions. Time wise, the mediation takes roughly 10 minutes.

I encourage you to give loving kindness a try. Find a quiet room and moment to work through the guided meditation. If you don’t connect with the one I’ve linked above, look online to find the words and tone that calms you. Remember to be compassionate towards yourself when your mind wanders or if you’re clouded by judgmental thoughts. Give yourself permission to notice them versus having to react or respond. Hold onto these words of loving kindness as you go about your day. May you be filled with loving kindness.

The other day, I read an article regarding etiquette on social media etiquette around death. I’ve studied a lot about death and dying in my undergrad days, but so much has changed technology wise within that period of time. As I was reading, I felt a deep sense of guilt for how I handled a situation a few years ago. I posted something earlier than, in hindsight, I wish I had. I was sad, and in disbelief at the time. I wanted to grieve, but felt removed from the situation due to distance. My post didn’t go well with some. For others, it granted them permission to start posting the same sort of thoughts and feelings I had. Still, I wish I had waited… and I know now, how to navigate similar situations in the future.

This situation got me thinking… All we want from others when we screw up is to be shown compassion… even if we feel like this is the last thing we deserve or dare to hope for, on some level we still want it. Yet, we are the last ones to show compassion to ourselves. We beat ourselves up for our humanness, yet generously extend it to others*. We need others in our journey towards health and wellness... but we also need it from ourselves towards ourselves. You cut yourself short in your journey by not doing so!

If time travel was a reality, I’m sure there would be things I would go back and change… but I can’t. I can fight hard against this reality, however it won’t get me anywhere positive. The times I fought back against acceptance, I usually ended up in more pain. All I can do, all you can do, is learn from it and try do better next time. Maybe it means needing to go through the same situation ten times before making a change… but it’s still a change. In the meantime, grant yourself some compassion.

*I want to add that not everyone shows compassion to others. I can think of many reasons for why this is and am not going to get into them today. My point is, when we don’t show compassion to ourselves, or others, we end up hurting ourselves due to the heaviness that comes from holding onto it.