Counter Cultural - That's What I Do

A colleague of mine asked if I could write a guest post for her website, Every Day Health and Wellness Therapy,  on something related to eating disorders.  Jazzed at the opportunity to talk about something I am deeply passionate about, I couldn't pass it up. The post talks about the need to be counter cultural when it comes to your relationship with your body, weight, exercise, feelings, mental health issues, etc. A message that differs from what main stream culture says... 

Below are the 5 main points from the article.  Be sure to check the entire piece out here. 

#1. Weight Isn't the Focus

#2. Health at Every Size (you can read more about that here)

#3. You Don't Have to Have an Eating Disorder to Get Help with Your Relationship with Food

#4. Emotions Are Our Friends

#5. Taking Care of Your Mental Health Issues is OK

Will you think and treat yourself counter culturally on these issues?

Mindfulness - Taking Time To Get Out of Your Head

I've often been told that when I'm deep in thought, I look pissed off. My brow furrows a bit and I don't smile. I'm fully engrossed with whatever topic or debate is occurring in my head, trying to make sense of something I don't quite understand or accept. It looks like I'm cut off from everything and everyone around me, like I'm in my own little world... 

I've also been told I think too much :)

It's taken some time to accept that I am a thinker, perhaps more than others. It's also taken time to accept that there is more to life than just thinking and that I may not figure everything out. Since having learned mindfulness, I try to practice being more aware of my surroundings and how I interact in it (especially this time of year with all the seasonal changes as we move from summer into fall). It brings me back into the present moment, allowing me to experience all that is happening in the here and now. Mindfulness is also great for when I'm distressed, obsessing or catastrophizing. It's easy to go into auto-pilot, thinking about the next thing that needs to be done, a current problem that doesn't seem to have a solution, the topic discussed from today's therapy session, perpetuating dialogue from the eating disorder and so on. Mindfulness does take intention, but once you get the hang of it, it becomes second nature. 

You know what I've noticed practicing mindfulness over the past few days?   People coming and going.  Little children asking countless questions about how what they are experience works. Dogs... tons of dogs. Birds staring down my sandwich in hopes I'm in one of my 'thinking moods' where I'm not practicing mindfulness and won't notice him there. Pianos scattered throughout the downtown core of Guelph, ON for people to play spontaneously throughout the month of September. Huge spider webs you know won't last more than a day. Cloudless days. Sun rays. I see squirrels, which brings me a lot of happiness as they run around (I saw one this morning that looked like it had this amazing beard... it was not a beard unfortunately... it was just something he was carrying... darn!). I noticed how most people respond when you look them in the eye and say hello as you pass them by... a greeting that wouldn't have been exchanged if I were in my head. I see dew on the grass and feel its coolness as I walk through the early morning grass. I taste the sweetness from the honey in my tea. I hear conversations and dialogue amongst friends, family members, co-workers. I see a wasp trying to figure out how in the world it is going to get out of a window pane it is trapped in and back into the wild. 

There is so much life going on outside of ourselves... Lots of precious moments in life we miss when we are disconnected. Health, healing and wellness isn't just about popping pills and doing cognitive behavioural exercises! Although both may* be needed and are helpful, we must not forget the need to be connected outside of ourselves. Try it... what do your five senses experience today? What do you see? What do you hear? What do you taste and see and smell? What things have you realized since having practiced mindfulness? What things make you smile a little? What cool hair cut does the squirrel around where you live have?

Proof! 

*medication is not a 'must' for all clients. This should be discussed and followed by your doctor or psychiatrist. 

Progress? That' Not What the Scale Says!

First of all, if you're stepping on a scale... get off it (click here to read why scales aren't a helpful or healthy).   Just like the number on the scale isn't an accurate measurement of health, so is it with progress. Pretty counter-cultural right? We've been so brain washed to think that the only thing that matters is how much weight you've gained or lost. Forget the healthy lifestyle... forget the long term change or its sustainability.  There is a tendency to solely focus on the number, instead of all the other benefits of working towards a healthier relationship with food, weight, exercise, etc.  Whatever the number on the scale, or if you've stopped weighing yourself already, you can still see the benefits of building a healthier lifestyle as the following examples show*: 

Emotions - When you get back to eating 3 balanced meals and a few snacks per day, you will likely notice a difference with your emotions/mood.  Ever notice when you don't eat enough how you become more agitated than normal? Or, when you've eaten too much, feelings of guilt or shame emerge? A sign of progress is when emotions and food/weight are not so closely linked.  In the beginning stages, as you learn to trust normalized eating, set-point, and a healthy exercise routine, you may experience uncomfortable or distressing emotions. By using skills learned in therapy and following a healthy meal plan and exercise routine, you can learn to tolerate and cope with such difficult emotions, if not experience an elevation in mood.

Energy Level & Stamina - Just as mood improves, as does your energy level.  By giving your body the proper type and amount of fuel during the day, you will have more energy throughout it. You won't be in a food coma, nor be completely exhausted. You may even notice that you can exercise for longer periods of time, and/or know when to finish so you don't overdue it out of compulsively or 'need'. 

Sleep - Sleep can also be interferred with when one does not get the right type and/or amount of food/exercise. You won't wake up to feelings of hunger or indigestion from eating too little or too much of something. You will also get a better quality of sleep when you move your body throughout the day, instead of being immobile. A better quality of sleep is another sign of progress. 

Flexibility - Rigidity around food and exercise is quite common in those who struggle with food/weight/exercise issues. A sign of progress is when you catch yourself adjusting to those moments when 'life gets in the way' without having a melt down. You won't follow rules like, "I'll just double up on exercise tomorrow" when the gym closes unexpectedly or if you've eaten more than you wanted at a birthday party. You will experience flexibility mentally and emotionally as you build a healthier lifestyle. 

Balance - This is a big one.  What I mean by balance is looking at your life holistically, and making sure you are paying attention to each aspect of it.  For example, are you spending time with your friends? Connecting spiritually? Physically getting enough exercise? Emotionally are you getting your needs met? What about mentally? Another sign of progress is making sure you aren't spread too thin and are using a variety of supports to help sustain your holistic health.  

Medical Issues - Building a healthy relationship with food/weight/exercise can also effect things like cholesterol levels, blood pressure and so on. 

The above are excellent ways in concretely seeing both benefits and movements as you work towards building and then maintaining a healthy lifestyle.... much more informative than just a number wouldn't you say?

*Keep in mind that other illnesses/diagnosis can effect the above.  It is important to consult your medical and health team whenever you make changes regarding your health and wellness. This list is not exhaustive.

Goals

So, you are in the process of moving from preparation, into the action phase of change (click here to read an earlier post on the stages of change). For the purpose of clarity, let's say the behaviour you want to change is to no longer purge, although this method can also work for any behaviour or 'thing' you want to change in your life. How many times have you said to yourself, "Come tomorrow (or next week, or next month or next year), I am going to stop purging... cold turkey... that's it, no more purging for me!"? How has that statement worked out for you? Likely, not great. It's too big and broad of a change. It also sets you up for failure, as likely, in the process of change, we makes slips. This doesn't mean your effort to change has failed per se.  It just means, it needs some tweaking.

I encourage my clients to make, S.M.A.R.T. goals (sorry guys, I'm not the clever one who made this acronym up, although I cannot find the source). A S.M.A.R.T. goal is the following:

S - simple

M - measurable 

A - attainable

R - realistic 

T - timely

In the above example, saying you are going to quite purging cold turkey, isn't in line with the S.M.A.R.T. goal acronym. Sure, it might be simple in concept (i.e.: one purges and wants to stop purging), however, as you know, it is not that easy. It may be measurable (i.e.: you no longer purge), but as stated above, you may slip along the process. Is it attainable? Well... sure. Many people break the binge/purge cycle and lead purge free lives. Realistic? Not so much... maybe people do not find success in just going cold turkey. Timely? I would argue you may find short term success with becoming purge free by going cold turkey, however, we are looking to build long term change, which this initial goal is not able to obtain. 

The S.M.A.R.T. goal to be purge free over the weekend might look something like this... "Over the weekend, I want to stop purging by using distraction, socializing, following a mean plan, yoga and distress tolerance skills".  Let's see how we did...

Simple - Yes. You wan tot stop purging over the weekend by using specific skills, which are clearly listed  

Measurable - Yes, you will know after the three days how you did on your goal and what areas you may need to tweak. 

Attainable - Yes, you aren't trying to fit a square into a round hole or anything crazy like that. This said, stopping an eating disorder behaviour (or any behaviour that has become habit, or is long lasting, etc) is quite the feat. Perhaps, at some point along your journey, the idea of being purge free for a weekend was more of a dream than a possible reality.  If challenging yourself to the whole weekend is too long at this point, break it down to a day, or even a short period of time (i.e.: between breakfast and lunch, etc). Even if you can't see it right now, it is possible and attainable for people to go on to live purge free lives. 

Realistic - Yes! Remember, if it is unrealistic to have yourself be purge free over the entire weekend when you haven't got pure free for a day, change your goal a bit to make it more realistic for yourself.  Also, make sure the skills you plan to implement are realistic.  For example, it may not be realistic to socialize with friends when you are out of town and unable to connect with them. 

Timely - Definitely! You will know how you did within 72 hours! It has a concrete beginning and end.

Remember, you want to set up goals that build success, which also builds motivation and confidence! Even with S.M.A.R.T. goals you will have to go back and make adjustments. There is nothing wrong with that. For example, maybe you found out that using yoga as a way to stop purging wasn't as helpful as you had thought.  Change it up a bit, try something different. Totally okay to take this as a learning moment and use this knowledge in the future when you set up another goal.

So, what is your S.M.A.R.T. goal for the week?

Taking Time to Recognize Effort and Attempt

I recently took a trip that held much significance for me.  It occurred around the same time I typically celebrate a particular anniversary in my life.  This year, however, marked a milestone I had been looking forward to celebrating in a special way, which this trip did for me.  It symbolized health, growth, strength, the love for life, the payoff of perseverance, vulnerability, hard work, many tears, and so much more.

Perhaps, celebrating recovery seems weird to some.  I think when you come out on the other side of something that rocks your world in a way you never expected, when life beyond it seemed unimaginable and dim, a celebration of that journey can be a beautiful thing!  Every now and then I am reminded that my experience is not special.  Its a humbling reminder. Many individuals struggle with mental health issues and daily go through the ups and downs it brings. My experience isn't special, but it is unique... and it is meaningful. And that is enough to take note of it! If that's true for me, isn't it also true for you?

Those with eating disorders are often perfectionists and are particularly hard on themselves.  There's a tendency to engage in all or none thinking, mixed with some black and white thoughts, topped off with devaluing or catastrophizing. Am I describing you? This type of thinking makes going through a day without purging no big deal.  These thoughts tell you that you should feel underserving and unworthy when you eat your whole meal plan after months of binge eating or restricting from it.  Is using your distraction and emotional regulation skills just something you 'should' be doing even though its taking months to get to this point?  Why not take some time to recognize your progress... why not recognize the attempt and effort instead of looking at it as a success or failure. 

When I talk about celebrating the efforts and attempt you put into your journey, I'm not saying you should walk around with a chip on your shoulder, inflating yourself into thinking your are the bees knees.  Remember, your experience does not make you special... What I am talking about is changing the voice in your head... You know, the one that says you are underserving and worthless.  Celebrate through saying something like, "nice effort. I did the best I could and I can do better... but I'm going to celebrate I tried something that was difficult." Pat yourself on the back when you tried using your skills when it was probably easier and quicker to go back to the familiar pattern of your eating disorder or other unhealthy coping mechanisms.  Take the time to recognize how far you've come (regardless of how far it is) as I'm sure you never thought you would even get there in the first place!  Throw a party for making it a year of being binge free.  Plant a tree to and watch it grow alongside you.  Do something meaningful to you... big or small...  just take the time to do something in a way that celebrates you, life, health, recovery, growth, effort while giving validation to the tears and effort you put to getting there!  Everyone's recovery is going to look different and thus so will how and what the celebrations are for.  Don't get caught up in definitions or a sense of 'result', but celebrate things the things that are meaningful to you...  Remember, recovery is not a linear process. It is going to have its ups and downs... any step towards health is important! So... what you are going to celebrate? 

Beyond Sadness

Late last night, a neighbour informed me about the death and apparent suicide of Robin Williams.  I was hit with immediate sadness and shock.  Instantaneous thoughts popped up like, "But, he's so funny", "he always seemed so happy" and "he was the last person I thought who would kill himself".  Having had time to process, I was humbly reminded and know all to well that what appears on the outside may not always be the holistic picture of what is going on in the inside, and that depression can affect anyone.  

News articles and social media outlets became flooded with condolences and memories.  One quote in particular, by Jimmy Kimmel, caught my eye.  He tweeted, "Robin was as sweet a man as he was funny. If you're sad, please tell someone."  He is right, when feeling sad, telling someone is often a good piece of advice.   I, however, want to make the argument that those who kill themselves are not just feeling 'sad'.  It is something much more than that... It is often a form of depression.

What's the different you may ask?  Well, we all feel sad from time to time.  Life cannot happen without moments filled with such a feeling. It may last for as little as a minute to perhaps a few days. When someone dies, it is natural to feel sadness.  When a friend moves away, sadness may show its face.  It is still possible, however, to continue with the day to day demands while feeling sad. Sadness is not a mental health issue.  It is a part of humanity, shared by all who walk this earth.  Society has this tendency to throw around the word, 'depressed', when what is really going on is sadness.

Depression is debilitating.  It gets in the way of functioning fully in life. It can interfere with sleep, mood, weight, thoughts, appetite, one's social life, self-worth and so on.  Click here to access the Canadian Mental Health Association for more information on depression.  Depression occurs across genders and ages, and is partly due to genetics and partly due to environmental factors (nature and nurture). It affects comedians and judges, students and teachers, homeless and royalty.  It is too simplistic to rule out any one individual from struggling with depression solely based on their job title, social status or comical abilities.  Sadly, depression is often linked with suicide.  It is important to note that not all people who are depressed will comment suicide, however if feeling depressed, it is imperative to talk to a medical professional and/or call your local crisis line (click here to find a Canadian mental health helpline in your area) . 

So, is Jimmy Kimmel wrong in encouraging those who are sad to talk? No, not at all! Talking to someone when sad is therapeutic.  Friends, family members, trusted individuals, etc are great tools that can be utilized to help cheer you up or validate what you are going through when feeling sad.  If feeling depressed, it is important to talk to a professional who has trained knowledge in navigating this particular area of mental health. Treatment might entail seeing your family doctor, a psychiatrist to monitor medication and/or a therapist. It might entail making changes in your environment (remember the whole nature and nurture thing), such as implementing boundaries and assertiveness, self-care, exercise, change in diet, finding that balance between work and home life, etc. Click here to read more about what you can do if feeling depressed from the Public Health Agency of Canada. 

Suicide Prevention, Signs and Symptoms

Talking about suicide is an important part of actually preventing suicide.  If you are concerned about a loved one, click here to learn about a safe way to broach this conversation (from the Ontario Association for Suicide Prevention). Again, contact a professional who has experience and training in this areas.  Get educated as a way to understand what your loved one is going through. 

If you are contemplating suicide, contact a professional or your local crisis line to talk about what is going on and how you feel.  When we talk about things that are difficult to talk about with someone who is safe and trusting, stigma and shame is often reduced. People often feel less alone when they are heard and understood... and we all need to be heard and understood.  You are not crazy and when you keep things hidden inside, it is easy to convince yourself otherwise.  

A more exhaustive list of signs and symptoms can be viewed here (Ontario Association for Suicide Prevention). I have included some from this site below: 

- getting in order and/or giving away personal affairs

- depressed and/or withdrawn

- marked change in behaviours, attitude, appearance (i.e.: a person goes from being positive,  energetic, and well groomed, to being negative, lethargic and uninterested in maintaining a well groomed demeanour as they would have before) 

- abusing drugs/alcohol, behaving recklessly, impulsiveness

- loss of self-worth, loneliness

- major situational event (i.e.: death of a close friend/family member, job loss, sexual abuse, etc)

- writing about suicide/death

etc 

*Not everyone who displays signs and symptoms of suicide will commit suicide, however professional and medical attention is strongly encouraged

Suicide is tragic. It is hard to see another way out when consumed by such darkness that depression brings, often masking itself as clarity. Keep talking, keep checking in with loved ones, make no assumptions, seek help.  Lean on those who hold hope for you when you can't hold onto it yourself. 

From A Dietician

In addition to seeing a therapist, seeing a Registered Dietician (RD) when working towards health and recovery from an eating disorder/disordered eating is strongly encouraged.  RDs who have experience with eating disorders/distorted eating can help steer clients towards making choices that support both healthy and normalized eating.  I have asked a colleague of mine to write this post to help shed some light on this topic.

Hello!

My name is Lindzie O’Reilly and I work as a Registered Dietitian at the University of Guelph and in a private office in downtown Guelph. As a Registered Dietitian, my goal is to help individuals establish a positive relationship with food and a food routine that makes them feel their best – mentally, physically and emotionally. I see individuals for a variety of reasons, with the most common being an eating disorder or disordered eating, a food allergy or nutrient deficiency, digestive issues, a vegetarian diet, and sports nutrition.

In our society, fad diets and the desire for a quick fix are HUGE. Extreme ideas surrounding dieting and health sell books and dominate the media. This has resulted in an overcomplicated view of health and nutrition and I see many individuals that feel a lot of guilt and shame surrounding their food habits because they feel they should be ‘healthier’. When I meet someone for the first time, it is really common for them to think that I am going to ask them to meticulously measure their food, follow food rules, or give up certain foods. My goal is actually quite the opposite. I aim to educate individuals so that they can spot fad diets and avoid them and I ask them to become more in touch with internal signals of hunger, fullness, and cravings rather than relying on external cues such as calories or the number on the scale to determine what or how much they should eat.

We eat for many different reasons - for fuel, for enjoyment, for social and emotional reasons to name a few. Eating for health is just one small part of why we eat. Extreme or fad diets can work in the short term, but in the long term they are unrealistic, cause individuals to miss out on social events, and can trigger cycles of binge eating due to intense hunger and feelings of deprivation. Below are some clues to help you spot diets which are extreme, unhealthy and unsustainable!

1.     You’re hungry all the time. Adopting a healthy food plan and allowing your body to settle at a place that is naturally right for you means nourishing your body and giving it enough food to feel satisfied. If you’re hungry all the time or feel constantly preoccupied by food, you’re under eating. This is sustainable in the short term only. When you are starving, it is your body’s natural response to want to overeat making it very likely that you will go back to how you were eating before or have episodes of eating that feels out of control. As babies, we are born knowing when to eat and when to stop. Dieting forces us to override or ignore these very natural and accurate signals. The best way to achieve a healthy and sustainable food plan is to trust your hunger - eat when you are just a little hungry and stop when you feel satisfied.

2.     You’re asked to cut out certain foods. Many extreme diets come with extreme rules. You do not need to cut out carbs, gluten, full fat cheese, egg yolks, sweets, or whatever the fad diet de jour tells you in order to be healthy. Completely removing these foods results in cravings and feelings of guilt if you do indulge. This creates an all or nothing mentality towards food (i.e. “I’ve already ruined today, I might as well keep going and start fresh tomorrow”) that triggers emotional eating. The reality is that all foods can, and should, fit as part of a healthy routine. I’d be concerned if you ate cookies and ice cream for every meal of every day, but I am equally concerned if you never let yourself enjoy these foods.

3.     You’re asked to take supplements. Barring a few exceptions (i.e. it’s a good idea to take a vitamin D supplement in the winter), your body can get everything you need from wholesome natural foods. You do not need to take supplements to be healthy and there is nothing magic about protein powder (other than supplements and powders might magically drain your bank account!). Cleanses, weight loss teas, raspberry ketones, superfoods, and special juices will not help you lose weight and can be very dangerous.

4.     You’re forbidden to eat at certain times of day. There are many diets that say you shouldn’t eat after 7pm, 8pm, 9pm or some other random arbitrary time. The times that you eat during the day should be dictated by your hunger (eat when you are just a little hungry) and your schedule (i.e. when you wake up, scheduled breaks at work). Overeating happens when we eat out of boredom, stress or habit (i.e. eating while watching a show even if you are not hungry). If you are hungry, your body is telling you it needs fuel and you need to eat - even if it’s 10pm and you are going to bed right after. Trust me, your body will digest and metabolize a slice of toast eaten at 10pm the same as a slice of toast eaten at 10am. Separating physical hunger from emotional hunger takes time and is not easy, but working towards this is really important in nourishing your body and in adopting a healthy and sustainable routine that is right for you.

5.     You compensate for unexpected food intake. It is normal to eat more some days and to eat less on other days. This might be because you are simply more hungry some days, or it may be because you choose to go out to eat one day or because your friend makes you your most favourite chocolate cake. This variability is normal and your body can make up for it. It’s when you try to use your brain to override your body’s signals and attempt to calculate, compensate, restrict or over exercise that you get into trouble. If you eat more than you planned one day, the healthiest thing you can do is to get back on track at your next meal and snack by eating an amount that your body tells you feels right. Aim to move your body throughout the week in a way that is enjoyable for you, not as a way to burn calories and not as a punishment for eating more than you think you should.

If you have any questions about the information in this blog, our would like to set up a one-on-one appointment to talk about your personal food habits, feel free to contact me at lindzie.oreilly.nutrition@gmail.com

Knowing When Friendships From Treatment No Longer Support Recovery

Having been in outpatient and inpatient settings, both personally and professionally, I have had an unique advantage of seeing the upside and downside of making friends from treatment.  As you venture through your journey of recovery, you will meet many people along the way.  Some will journey alongside you as a professional, while others will have the special role of being co-patients/co-clients. It is the latter community that I will make reference to in this post. 

No one likes to think that certain friendships that were once so helpful have shifted into being unhealthy for recovery. Throw in wounds from past relationships and the idea of having to say, "good-bye" to yet another friend or the need to set up boundaries, can seem unnecessarily painful and risky. So, with this in mind, I broach the subject honestly and compassionately.  As with all my posts, my intention is to raise awareness as well as to add a different perspective for you to ponder. 

It was told to me, and I continue to tell my clients, how we "heal in community".  Absolutely! We are not islands. Likely, over the course of your illness, you have pushed others away to some degree or another.  Maybe it was because of shame, a lack of emotional availability, or it was just easier to engage in ED behaviours when no one was around.  There can be a sense of belonging and comfort when you meet others who know so intimately the struggle you face because they face it too.  It is like you finally met someone who speaks the same language as you.  They understand you and do not look at you like you have two heads. 

Friendships in recovery can also bring a sense of accountability.  When walking beside those who also struggle, one may feel more comfortable in sharing when a slip, relapse or struggle occurs. There is this sense that "we're in this together" as both parties are working towards the same goal. Individuals can rally together in support of one another, making the burden of the fight a little lighter.  

Depending on what type of programming or treatment you are undergoing, you may meet those who are in various stages of recovery. This can be such an invaluable gift. Those who are just starting out in recovery can see the progress and hope of those who have been doing it for longer.  The latter group can also look to the former group to see how far they have come, while at the same time, reinforcing what they have learned by modelling it to others. 

While "healing in community" is necessary, it is crucial to "protect your recovery".  Recovery is full of ups and downs and it is easy to be triggered by someone who has slipped or who is no longer pursuing recovery.  It can be difficult to be working on recovery when supports do not have the same values, behaviours and goals.  It is, also, a slippery slope when confessions turn into jokes/sarcasm revolving around the unhealthy behaviours with no intention for health or change. 

There is also more to life than therapy, recovery, treatment and so on.  It is easy for friendships made in or around treatment to always come back to topics of treatment. It can be refreshing (and in the beginning unfamiliar) to be around those who do not struggle in the same way you do. Topics of conversation are forced to develop on non-therapy related topics.  There is also a chance to learn more about yourself in these contexts as you are doing something new. 

When in treatment, the commonality within the group is the fact you all share in a particular struggle/treatment.  There is nothing wrong with this in and of itself, but sometimes it is the only commonality shared. The friendship may become strained after awhile if no other healthy aspects of the relationship develop or grow when treatment ends.  You might start to realize your values are very different than those you befriended while in treatment, which lead onto different life paths. 

Issues with food/weight/exercise is about so much more than just food/weight/exercise. There are always underlying issues.  When they do not get addressed, unhealthy coping behaviours will inevitably play into relationships that may not be healthy for either party.  For example, is someone uses rescuing as a coping mechanism for needing to be needed, it is easy for them to fall back into this role when around those who's coping mechanism is being a victim. Ultimately, this keeps both the rescuer and the victim in their respective unhealthy roles.  It can be difficult for individuals to see these behaviours as they can be subtle at times.  It's a fine line when 'helping' turns into 'enabling'.   With eating disorders, there is also a high rate of perfectionism, which can lead to competitiveness between individuals in recovery.  This can serve as a distraction from one's own recovery as there is a tendency to always 'one-up' or compare to the other. 

As with most friendships, there is a coming and a going. Some friendships expands overs years, while some only months. Some friendships end naturally while others may need a more deliberate ending.  There is nothing wrong with having friends from recovery, just like there is nothing wrong with having to protect your recovery, which may mean having to saying good-bye to certain people.  Health and wellness is about so much more than just having a healthy and normalized relationship with food, weight and exercise.  It includes relationships as well (amongst many other factors). A part of healthy relationships is knowing when and how to set boundaries, which will look differently for each friendship.  It is tricky having walked with someone through a very difficult period in their life while at the same time walking through yours.  There is a natural bonding that occurs as such journeys are intimate. Sometimes when these relationships fade, or become unhealthy, it can be natural to question your recovery or their friendship.  Don't forget the helpful role these individuals once played in your life.  How they were a god-send in the beginning of your journey.  Celebrate and be thankful for them, while at the same time knowing there may be time to continue the rest of your journey (or perhaps section) on your own... and there is nothing wrong with that!